Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize