It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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