Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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