I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
