I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
