It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
