I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
