Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
