No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
