I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
