i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
