Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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