I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
