I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
