the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
