im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
