If that was your dad, he is hot
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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