mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
