If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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