Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
