So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's never too late to be topless.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
