please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Acid is not a monday night drug
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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