There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
