I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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