Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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