this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
