We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize