bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
