my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
