make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
