so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
