apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
