I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
