He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
