we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
