he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
