I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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