thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
