My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
