yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize