My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm both gender and math confused
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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