found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
