i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
