Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Strip Club
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
