So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
