I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
