he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
