I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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