If i come over, it means nothing
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
