At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
