i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You pole danced in your parka.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
