I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
