he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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