dude i'm inner monologue high
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
