nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
