the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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