Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize