I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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