you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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