There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
