You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
