Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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