I puked a lego.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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