I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize