So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
