Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
