Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
