is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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