There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
