Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
