hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
