She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize