I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
