Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
