I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
